I want to hold your hand
by Linneagb
Summary: AU. Kurt has spent his life as long as he can remember in foster homes. And this one he doesn't really want to leave. But it seems the social services have got a reason to take him away again. And he could never have guessed he would be taken back to the person which his mum took him away from. Based on the song Oklahoma by Billy Gilman. Oneshot


**So. I've been having this idea in my head for a week or so and decided to give it a shot. It's an AU- one- shot. It's based on the song and music video to Oklahoma by Billy Gilman. Cheryl is portrayed by Laura Innes and Felicity by Octavia Spencer. And then that is pretty much it… enjoy.**

I was sitting on the bed that had been mine until today and closed the zipper in my suitcase. I didn't have much things anyway, after ten years in the foster care system I had just learnt to keep a few things that I needed and not get anything new unless I really had to. So closing it went easy- way too easy.

My hands were shaking and I reached for the last thing I needed to pack in my school bag standing on the bedside table. A framed photo of me and my curr… the woman who had been my foster mum for the last seven months and until today. And at the same time as I held the photo just in front of me and felt the waterworks begin again I heard the cab pull up in the parking lot, then the doorbell ringing and Cheryl call my name.

I didn't move from the bed and heard footsteps coming through the hallway and saw in the corner of my eye someone standing in the door. "Kurt, honey. It's time to go." I could hear the tears and the trembling in Cheryl's voice that she probably didn't like this any more than what I did. But still looked up with tear- stained cheeks and tried as my newest social worker Felicity Jones came to stand behind Cheryl.

"I don't want to go." I said, my voice sounding more shaky and weaker than what I had planned. "Please, please. Don't make me go. I don't want to go. I thought this would be my home. I thought I'd finally found my home." Getting reminded of that very worst again I broke down sobbing and put my head in my hands. And it wasn't many seconds until I felt Cheryl's arm around my shoulders and the other one holding my hand.

"I know you don't want to go sweetheart." She told me softly, and so quiet it was just barely I could hear it. "I don't want you to go either. But it isn't up to us I'm afraid. At least not this time."

When Cheryl said what I knew was the truth I mostly just wanted to rip the heads of everyone who had anything to do with the social care system. How could it not be up to me whether I should stay here or not? Damn it, they hadn't even told me who I was going to or why it was so important they had to rip me off with my roots to go there. I had been in the system for ten years, Ten years and two months being spent getting sent from one foster home to the other and never being home anywhere.

Physical abuse, mental, rape, being locked up for days without food or water. You name it. All of them were things that I had been put through because of that damn foster care system.

Now I had finally found a place that felt like home. With a person that made it feel like I had found a person that wherever I was with her would be like home, even if I so had to live on the street. Then why would they just want to rip me out from this again and take me to whatever lousy foster home they had found this time?

"Come on. I'm sure that if they are so determined that you are going to this new place they've got a good reason." I tried not to snort at what she was saying. "And if it doesn't work out you'll only be half an hour away from here. And everything you have to do is show up or give me a call and I'll be right there. And you can come back here any time you want. Forever or for just a dinner and a chat. So this doesn't really mean anything okay?" I forced myself to bob my head up and down. "Okay, come on now. No point with dragging on with it." She took me under the arm and gently pulled me onto my feet and I took my big suitcase and she my school bag while we walked out into the hallway to face Felicity.

"Here, let me take that." Felicity took the bag from Cheryl and Cheryl only nodded and handed it over while I just wanted to rip the bag out of Felicity's hands and run back into the room. Then refuse to leave like a little baby. "Okay, are you ready?" Once again I forced myself to nod. "I promise you son, when you know why we're doing this…" She didn't finish the sentence and I walked outside and pushed my suitcase into the back of the cab before I faced Cheryl for our goodbyes.

"Here." She handed me a folder and a book with a wrapping tape around it. "It's all of my recipes since I know how much you like cooking and how much you liked the food here. And a copy of one child by Torey Hayden since when you read my copy of it you didn't put it down until you had read it through at least five times."

I couldn't help but to smile through the tears slightly- it was actually only three times. And so what? It was a good book. "Bye Kurt. And thank you for being here, and for that makeover and for… for being you and everything."

"Bye." I answered back, my voice being thicker and shakier than ever. "Thank you. And what did I say about wearing red with your hair color?" Cheryl couldn't help but laugh. "But it's looking quite good today with that dress and those shoes and that shirt… well as good as sneakers and hoodie could ever look." I hugged Cheryl one last time and held the folder and the book close to my chest.

"Give me a call tonight and tell me how it goes. Okay? Just because I'm not your foster mum anymore. That doesn't in any world mean that I've stopped caring about you." I nodded. "And say hi to Blaine from me the next time you meet him." I nodded again.

I had met Blaine Anderson the first school day I had been here in Westerville seven months ago. And I couldn't remember anyone anywhere who had made me feel like Blaine would. As soon as he was close my heart would beat so hard I could feel it in my ears and I couldn't even catch my breath. And God knows how, one month ago today. We had ended up more than just friends.

I had wanted Blaine to be here today, but he needed to do something with his family. I was pretty sure that so wasn't the reason though. But still I needed him here, like right now. And I couldn't even have needed him more while I got into the back seat of the cab on one side and Felicity got into the other side of the car and looked for something in her ugly, brown backpack.

"WAIT. STOP THE CAR." I shouted suddenly. I wasn't going to look out the window anything, just wave backwards without looking. But in the corner off my eye I could see someone dressed in yellow and with dark, crazily curly hair. "Blaine's here." The taxi driver sighed and seemed annoyed, but braked and I mostly jumped out of the car and ran straight into the arms of my boyfriend. Joining him in a ribs- crushing hug.

"I know… I know I said I was doing some whatever but… I just simply couldn't see you leave." Blaine's eyes were filled with tears. "I'm going to miss you so much." I nodded and hugged him again.

"I won't be too far away." I tried to assure him. "I'll see you next weekend and we'll call every night." Blaine nodded. "And you know that you only have to call and I'll find a way to get here as fast as possible." Blaine nodded but grimaced and sob. "And by the way. Your hair looks great without all the usual gel." I looked down on his outfit being a hoodie striped in yellow, grey, white and bluegreen. Yellow jeans, and yellow sneakers. "It's just you."

"And I like the clothes that you are wearing," he looked down on my white jeans, light blue sneakers, light blue button up and white cotton, V- neck shirt. "Nothing over- the- top but still…. You. I'm guessing you don't want to look too gay for these new people before you can tell them yourself." I felt myself blush- it was only that some times when I had told foster parents I was gay… or they had more likely seen I was gay on my choice of clothes… Well, it hadn't been pretty.

"It's okay. I would do the same." Blaine assured me while he fingered for his pride- necklace on the back of his neck and took it off. "Here. I want you to have this." I tried to protest. "I've got two of them since I wished for one for my birthday and mum and dad never speaks to each other even though they live in the same house so they gave me each. It does remind you of pride and..." Blaine laid his hand on my cheek and kissed me softly before he pulled away slightly. "Courage… Promise me you'll call as soon as you can and tell me what's going on. And I will come and visit as soon as they will let me and see who it is that you're going to." I nodded and forced a smile through the tears. "Okay, see you." I nodded, and Cheryl came over to Blaine while finally I got into the car and turned around to wave goodbye while I dried the tears and fought the rest of the tears away.

There seriously shouldn't be any more tears left to cry by now.

I turned forward again and continued to fight the tears. Felicity patted my shoulder and reached me a tissue. "Thanks." I mumbled grumpily and dried the last few tears. "So… Can you explain to me now why you pulled me away from there?" I tried not to seem as annoyed as I was really feeling when Felicity finally nodded. "Okay then. Why?"

"You do know why you're in the system Kurt. Your mum took you away from your dad for a reason we haven't known before. But now it turns out they were divorcing and were fighting of how much you would be at each of their places and at last your mum took you. You were just three and a half years old, and then she left and started moving around for no one to be able to find you. And then when you were around five you were in a car crash. And because of being so young it caused the fact that you didn't remember your original last name and she had changed it so many times we couldn't find any relatives and you ended up in the foster care system… well. I can tell you how later but the important thing is that we've found a man."

I was kind of seeing where this was going but couldn't help to push my thoughts away just in case I was hoping, and fearing just too much.

"This man told us the story about how he woke up one morning and his wife and son were nowhere to be found. And how he have spent the next twelve years to look for his son everywhere he's gotten the chance to. And then he showed us some photos, of the little boy, and of himself as young and it was clear. You two just looked so much alike. And when we told him what we thought, and almost knew in the end he cried and said that if he had just knew where to look he would have been there. But so maybe he's made too many mistakes with the divorce and with looking for you and everything so… he just couldn't but…"

"What are you telling me?" I barely whispered. And even though it felt like the water works were starting again it seemed that there were no more tears to cry and I still didn't dare to believe… what if I just hoped and feared for too much and had gotten all of this wrong anyway. Felicity smiled and her eyes were almost glittering when she took my hand and held up some files.

"Son… This man we have found in Lima."

"Yes?" I almost shouted anxiously now. Damn it, why couldn't she just tell me?

"We think it's your dad."

"What?"

I heard the words she had told me, and I knew what they meant. I just couldn't really understand what they meant. My dad? But- but. I could barely even remember him. Were they sure that he remembered me. Was it really my dad? Was he the one my mum had been talking about? Because if he was I'd much rather go back to Cheryl.

"As I have understood it your mum used to tell you stories about that your dad being a violent and angry man right?" I nodded. "Well, that's what the social services have been thinking too. But then my daughter started working a bit with cleaning and stuff at this newly married couple to get some extra pocket money. And when they knew her well they wanted to meet me and I met them and I asked them if they had any children and he told me shortly about that you were gone. And I just had the weirdest feeling so I must have been asking a million questions. But then with more contact with your earlier social worker and this man and photos and everything... There's just no other explanation. And believe me when I say that your mother was probably lying about this violent and angry man because this man is the most kind- hearted guy that I have ever met. And if he's not… and he turns out to be like your mother said he was. Then we'll keep in touch and you tell me right away, right?" I nodded.

For a second I just wanted to throw up, then faint. Then throw up. Then I just wanted all of my hundreds of millions of question answered. What was his name? What was he like as a person? Was he the person I had thought he was or the person I had dreamt of it being? In any of my millions of dreams?

"Sch Kurt." Felicity rubbed my arm. "Deep breaths, now you're hyperventilating. Come on, in and out. And in and out. Breathe with me." She started taking slow, deep breaths and I did my best to follow them when I realized I had almost somewhere in between hyperventilating and stopped breathing fully. "Okay, that's good. Now don't be afraid. We'll let you know everything we know." She held me some papers.

"No." I pushed it away and pressed my eyes shut before I had read anything. "No please, I just want to get my own picture of him. Please." I felt and heard Felicity move away the papers and slightly opened my eyes and peaked so I could see she had folded them closed again. "Thanks. You probably think I'm nuts but.."

"No, no. That you want to get to know everything about him yourself is just natural. Okay, I will stay with you for at least a little while just to make sure everything's going smoothly. And also, my daughter will be there since she had a big part in how we found you and your dad. But you don't have to meet her and you won't meet her from the start or anyone else than your dad in the very beginning. And if something feels wrong or it's going on too fast or anything you just need to grab me or shout and I'll see what can be done about it. Okay?" I nodded. "I've spoken a bit to earlier of your social workers and such, and they always told me that you always wanted to meet some relative. Your dad or anything and see what they were like. By the way, I know you were very young being taken away from here. But do you remember anything?"

I hesitated, the thing was I wasn't too sure. I had a few faint memories, but it might not have been from here or my dad but from some early foster home or after my mum took me away. But still I remembered and decided to give it a shot. Maybe if it was from here Felicity would know and could tell almost for sure if they were right about this being my dad or not.

"I think I can remember a dog." I stated weakly. "A yellow- colored one. Probably a Labrador or a Golden retriever. But smaller, maybe a puppy. I don't know… and I think I can remember a baseball cap. And… a hand… And that I could just reach up and there was a man who would take my hand in his. But I'm not sure about anything… What is it?" Tears had been rising in Felicity's eyes.

"Oh, Kurt." She barely more than whispered. "You have absolutely no idea how certain I am of that this is right. Okay, the car will be turning over there…" She pointed further forward on the road. "And then on the left we have houses and by the fifth house. We are there, okay? The fifth house from the turn." I nodded, and felt something tighten around my chest so to feel it not as much I just simply held my breath.

One.. two… three… four…

For every house we reached I felt my chest tighten even more.

…Five…

By the time we reached the fifth and the cab pulled over I could see a man standing by the porch steps. I barely recognized him, if I had seen him out at time I wouldn't have stopped to check. But I just felt something, I knew this man. I had met him before, and I knew that he had meant a lot.

"It's time to meet your dad now honey." Felicity squeezed my hand in hers. "I'll get the bags. But don't hesitate to just shout if you need me. Now don't be afraid. Good luck." She squeezed my hand again and I slowly opened the door and then had to breathe out. Even though I still could barely get air in when I slowly walked closer to the man standing there.

The man must have been at least as nervous as I was myself because he was trembling from head to toe. At first he was leaning against the wall and the porch but so he slightly pushed himself up but stood still while I tried to fight away the tears- needless to say that I didn't really succeed and then reached my hand forward and waited for him to do the same to shake mine.

He smiled slightly and shakily and then he reached his shaking hand forward and took mine. "Hello son. My name is Burt, Burt Hummel." His voice broke on the last word. "And the last twelve years my life has been all about looking for the child my ex-wife had taken away from me." His voice was shaking. "And my God Kurt. I never thought I'd see you again."

I couldn't even help it. This was my dad, the parent I had wanted for as long as I could remember and so I just threw my arms around Burt's shoulders and hugged him as tightly as I possibly could. While crying my eyes out, as well as he was holding onto me. It was easier said than done to squeeze even tighter but… I just knew it. This was where I belonged. And even though I didn't want to I had to at last let go and back away.

"So… What's your name?"

"Kurt…" I said in a weak, hoarse tone. "Kurt Siegler… Do you think… My name…. Hummel?" I couldn't get the full sentences fixed but enough to make myself understood. "Okay… Kurt Hummel… Not to bad then." I joked with my weird sense of humor to keep myself sane and alert. But didn't know what else to say when I heard barking and a dog whimpering on the inside of the door.

"Come on." Burt took my hand and stepped up on the porch. "There's someone I want you to meet." He opened the door and out shot a yellow, blurry… arrow it mostly looked like right now. "Now take it easy Billy." The dog- a yellow Labrador was jumping around me, barking and whimpering in a way that could possibly be described as… wow, I had never heard a dog cry before!

"He…" Burt's voice was shaking even more by now. "Billy here. He was just a puppy when you disappeared. But he was your best friend. And every time you fell asleep you would do it holding his tiny little paw in your hand. It was like you were holding hands. And then when you disappeared he'd wait by the door for you to come back. And he'd go outside, right off the porch and yeah you know. Do what he needed and then he'd lie down on the porch until someone let him inside again and then he'd lie down just inside the door. And every time he heard someone come down the driveway and up the porch he'd look up so hopeful and then slouch again when it wasn't you."

I had just stopped crying and hearing Burt talking like this and kneeling while the dog was jumping around me, licking every spot he could reach with his tongue and still whimpering it started right back on again.

"He has been waiting here every day and every night since Elizabeth took you away. For twelve years." Burt sobbed and suddenly I just felt so guilty. Maybe if I had done something different, if I had been better. "I can see what you're thinking son. And don't even think about it, your mother was sick and there was nothing you or anybody else could have done differently for all of this not to happen. And if anyone then I should have done something differently if someone. I was the adult… But do you blame me?" I shook my head so quickly I almost got dizzy. "Exactly. We all blame ourselves for reasons that don't actually mean anything. Now…"

Burt laid a hand on my shoulder and gently pulled me up into standing position again just as Felicity came carrying on the bags. "Mrs. Jones, here let me help you." Burt took my suitcase.

"What have I said about calling me Mrs. Jones? It's Felicity and nothing else. Mrs. makes me feel older than my own grandmother." while Felicity moaned about him calling her by last name Burt lifted the bags over the threshold.

"Okay, okay. Felicity. Here Kurt. There's someone waiting to see you in the living room too. And now… It was never that I ever tried to replace either you or your mother. Because you two could… absolutely not be replaced but… People were telling me to start move on and reach my hand out to take someone else's hand and trying to put me together with one woman after the other and at last to just make them shut the hell up I met up with one that seemed alright…" He led me through the hallway, Billy was still following every step I took. And into a living room where an adult woman and a boy- around my age sat.

"Kurt…" Burt cleared his throat. "This is my wife Carole, and her son Finn. And yeah… I guess you want to meet them yourself." Billy was still following every step I took, as if he was afraid I might disappear again when I took a few steps forward and glanced back at Burt. "It's okay son. They're not as dangerous as they look." He smirked a bit to let me know he was only joking and I turned back to the woman and the boy who had both stood up and damn it that boy was tall.

"Hey I'm Finn." The boy- dressed a bit weirdly in checkered shirt, stripy T- shirt, jeans and clear- blue sneakers reached his hand towards me. "And I think that you're my big brother." He looked down on me and looked confused to the woman who nodded. "But he's so much smaller." He almost whimpered and the woman just laughed slightly and held her hand out to me.

"Hey I'm Carole." She said. "It's very nice to meet you Kurt." She shook my hand. "And yes. Finn, Kurt is more than a year older than you." Finn still looked confused and looked down at me from his tall figure while shaking his head. "Not the brightest one, if you get what I mean." I suppressed a laughter, partly of that, and partly quite mean how Finn… might have gotten his bad sense of fashion from his mum. And my Lord. She was dressed in denim from top to toe and I just kept my mouth shut, that's how badly I wanted to give the offer to help her with the subject of fashion.

"There is one more person we'd like you to meet." Burt stated. "Long story short. I and Carole had just married and Carole and Finn had just moved in. I and Carole worked a lot the both of us and we needed some extra help with cleaning and tidying around the house and someone told us that a girl in the neighborhood needed some extra pocket money. She asked who the boy in that photo was…" Burt pointed to an old photo of me and Billy. "And I told her… And she told her mum…" Burt gestured towards Felicity. "Who told some of her colleagues and the rest is what we call history. So, if it wasn't for this girl you wouldn't be here at all. And I'd still be looking for you. So…. Do you want to meet her?" I nodded, afraid that if I tried to speak I'd only break down again. "OKAY. GET DOWN HERE." I flinched when he shouted that last and immediately felt a comforting hand towards my back. "Oh… sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Just so you know Kurt… I can understand if it's happened to you before but no one in this house is ever going to hurt you on purpose. Okay?" I nodded slightly. "Okay, so if anyone, in here or outside does I want you to tell me and I'll deal with it, okay?"

"Okay…" I could hear someone walking upstairs and then a girl, looking incredibly much alike with Felicity came down the stairs. "Hi. I'm Kurt." I nervously started biting my lip again. "It's very nice to meet you." The girl gave me a shining smile and then only rushed across the floor and pulled me into God knows which ribs- crushing hug in the order only today.

"I'm Mercedes Jones. She told me. And boy… You have got…" She leaned closer to me and whispered the last. "…More sense of fashion than those three have together. Burt and Finn are okay… But…" She leaned away from me again. "But now that you're here maybe you can help me to talk her into letting me give her a makeover." Carole sighed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, as you can see I could need some help with that." I smiled slightly and tried to hide the fact that there would probably nothing else for every- day- hobbies that I liked more than giving people makeovers.

For a moment I stopped listening to what people were saying and looked around. Mercedes and Carole were rolling their eyes at each other, Burt was looking to me so emotional I swear I could hear my heart break. Felicity was mostly… waiting and Finn… well Finn mostly seemed confused… he seemed to do that quite a lot actually. So what part did I have in all of it?

"Can I see the charm of that necklace?" Mercedes asked me, and I stopped fingering with the chain. "Can I?" I nervously lifted my hand to finger with the chain again- if I did show them it would show one of my biggest secrets, that I had started telling people just a few months ago. But if I didn't and they found out later and then took distance from me. "Please can I see it?" I decided to just show it and held my hand around it so none of the others could see. "Oh, how cool. I've always wanted a gay best friend."

I looked around, Mercedes had almost shouted and the room had gone awfully silent and Mercedes seemed to realize what she had done. "You, are gay. Are you? Otherwise you wouldn't be wearing that?...Right?" I hesitated and glanced to Burt who smiled slightly. Wondering if I was going to lie, or tell them all the truth and risk to be thrown into the foster care system again.

"I know." I had been so lost in my own thoughts and held my breath on top of it all so I barely understood what Burt was saying. "Hold on, I'll go get something." He disappeared up the stairs and came back holding a small, stripy hoodie. "When you turned three everything you wished for was a pair of sensible heals. I got you this." He held up the hoodie. "And you didn't talk to me again until I had given you those heals. So I knew right then. But don't worry about it… I love you just as much. And now more than ever and if it's who you are…. Then I love you for it." I nodded and took the tiny hoodie in my hands. "Does it still fit?" I couldn't help but laugh. "So… Do you have a boyfriend?" I bit my lip and hesitated again, then nodded. "Is he cute?"

"Oh, have you got a photo." Mercedes seemed sneakier than ever when I pulled up my phone and riffled to find a photo of Blaine that I showed to Mercedes. "Oh, he is cute. You've got yourself a good man there Kurt." I smiled and tried to ignore the feeling that was rising in my chest whenever I thought of my Blaine. And feeling all the love in the room and Billy's paw in my hand. I swore my heart was beating so hard it would probably beat right out of my chest.

"You've got to invite him here for dinner some time." Carole told me about Blaine. "He is cute, and we all want to meet him and make sure he treats you right. Because if he doesn't I know someone who will be mad." She nodded to Burt.

"Of course I will be. If anyone hurts you and I'll know about it… No, no. I'm not trying to scare you. I would never hurt anyone physically. I promise." I nodded and felt my heart rate go down slightly when I forced the feeling of panic away. "And… It's because I love you son." Once again tears were rising in my eyes and I couldn't keep them back. Neither the shakiness in my voice when I answered.

"I love you too Bu…" I hesitated and my heart beat harder and faster than ever, but so I decided to just go for it. "I love you too dad." His eyes were filled with so much pride and joy, and tears. And there were so many emotions in him if it had been all quiet otherwise we would probably have been able to hear his heart beating.

"So…" I had showed the others the photo of Blaine and Mercedes started talking. "One, from now on you will never be alone in this whole part about deciding if a person is good to you or not. Or alone in anything else for that matter. And two… Are you sure he's gay?"

 **So, we can thank Precious- passenger for the joke at the end. I came up with it but she thought there would be a punchline and here we are. I hope you liked that. And oh yeah, English is not my first language.**

 **Thank you for reading**


End file.
